Magic Hag's Computer
Internet Strangely enough the Magic Hag pays for internet, the WIFI she pays for is very bad which makes since as she only pays 10 rupees a month. Her WIFI's bandwidth vary from up to a 375kbps download speed on a good day to as low as 5, the upload speed is non existent which explains why her Facebook status is never updated. Consistency There is no consistency, "it's bad as all hell and crashes all the time" says WIFI representative Link. Operating System Oh no it couldn't be "WINDOWS 7", yes you heard me correctly she uses Windows 7! End of story that explains her crappy WIFI, THE END! Computer The Magic Hags computer is extremely discriminating to the computer world, it runs on an Intel Core I negative 3 processor with a clock speed of about 3.6664MHz and a Hard Drive with about 20 bytes. Her computer is a laptop weighing roughly 32 pounds explaining why the hag never moves it from it's current location right in front of the main doors. The laptops charging stage takes a staggering 60 hours to fully complete and the battery life on the system is about 8 minutes. It is also worth being said that when the computer is on the fan can be very loud, being heard from the other side of the shop at a very noticeable rate. The maximum and recommended resolution of the system is a laughable 144x60 at an almost unusable 3FPS (Frames-Per-Second). We forgot to mention the system has no RAM and overheats after about 20 seconds of using it. The screen size is about 4 inches diagonally making it extremely difficult to see without putting your eyes right on the screen or using your own standalone monitor/television screen, Another concerning issue is the fact that boot-up takes roughly 40 minutes to complete requiring you to keep your computer plugged in at all times to ensure it will not die during boot-up. Of course the worst part of them all being the fact that it runs on a negative 32-bit Windows 7 home Operating System! The device has no sound card and no form of graphics memory what-so-ever and to top it all off the machine has a 97.3% crash rate, what a machine! Ability to operate We almost forgot, the Magic Hag does not know how to use a computer so I guess it really doesn't matter what type of computer she has, not like anyone is going to use the "forsaken machine" in the first place so just forget I said anything. Manufacturer/History As unbelievable as it seems, it is the 100% absolute truth that the computer was manufactured by Apple themselves back in 2008, Apple decided the computer would slander there "decent" name if they used there own MAC OS so instead they decided to use a "Early copy of the soon to be released Windows 7 OS that was given to them by Microsoft". The code name of the new computer was "BLUE" to ensure the hag would not kill the company for making a computer not based off of her, they later decided not to make a public release of the computer and give the only produced copy to the hag for no charge, she has kept it ever since! Comparison Most people would compare her computer to a desktop from the 1970's such as the Atari 2600 and before though the likelihood of anyone being able to use the computer is at an all time low due the rapid aging process of the already seemingly ancient device. The Magnavox Odyssey is considered more powerful though in reality after first inspection the Magic Hag's computer looks better through the layout and design of the GUI. Through much testing it has been confirmed that heavy lag will occur from even the smallest and most petty of games including Atari and Odyssey games. How is this a computer? The computer is considered very annoying taking all of it's issues into consideration, Loud fans, slow processing power, annoying battery life, astoundingly low resolutions, and Windows 7 make this one of the most if not the most annoying and crappy piece of hardware known to man. With it's truly laughable specs and inability to play any music or video files it is difficult for us to even consider this an "Awful computer" and we have yet to mention how the computer has difficulty running it's own cruddy operating system without large and very noticeable errors and issues. Search Engine Another way to confirm that the Magic Hag is an idiot is the fact that she uses Bing as her default search engine, when she called a Microsoft employee to come to her shop and change it from Google to Bing for her. Magic Hag commonly complains that her computer web browser is slow as all hell since she has yet to realize it is Bing's fault. Note that Magic Hag assumes Bing is good because it sounds like the word "Blue"